5 Types of People You Should Not Trust, and How to Spot Each One Before It Costs You
A young shop worker in a small town trusted a smiling man who praised his work every single day. The smiling man asked for small favours, then larger ones, and the young worker said yes each time. One morning the smiling man vanished with the cash box from the shop, and the young worker learned a hard lesson about trust. Trust is a gift, and some people take that gift and spend it without a second thought.
Charlie Munger taught a plain way of thinking that he called inversion. Inversion means asking what could ruin a good life, and then staying far away from it. Most people ask how to find good friends, and Munger asked the opposite question. He asked which people can quietly ruin your life, and then he warned us to keep them at a distance.
This article shares five types of people you should not trust, and each type comes with clear warning signs. The signs are small at first, and they are easy to miss when a person smiles. A flatterer praises you to gain a favour, and a gossip tells you secrets that are not his to tell. Learn the signs now, and you can guard your money, your time, and your peace of mind.
Trust between people is weaker today than it was years ago. A Pew Research Center survey found that 71 percent of Americans say trust between people has grown weaker in recent years. A study by psychologist Robert Feldman found that 60 percent of people tell at least one lie in a ten minute talk. These numbers show that careless trust is a real risk, and a few plain rules can guard you from it.
I have watched good workers lose money, time, and peace because they trusted the wrong person too fast. The loss never came in one big blow, and it came in small steps that looked harmless. Read the five types slowly, and mark the ones you have already met in your own life. A calm eye and a short list of warning signs can save you years of regret.
The short answer: the types of people you should not trust are five plain kinds, the flatterer, the gossip, the taker, the small liar, and the envy driven critic. Each one shows small warning signs before the harm grows large, and each one can be met with a calm step away. Munger taught that a good life is built by avoiding what harms it, and this list shows you exactly what to avoid.
Key Takeaways
- The flatterer praises you to gain a favour, and his praise fades the day you say no.
- The gossip tells you the secrets of others, and he will tell your secrets too.
- The taker asks for your time and money and never gives back, and a calm limit stops the drain.
- The small liar lies about little things, and little lies grow into large ones.
- The envy driven critic shrinks your wins, and distance keeps your joy safe.
1. The Flatterer Who Praises to Gain
The flatterer is the most pleasant danger you will ever meet, and his words feel like warm sun on a cold day. He praises your work, your clothes, and your ideas, and he does it with a smile that feels sincere. The praise is not a gift, and it is a tool that he uses to open a door. Once the door is open, the favour he wants walks straight through it.
Real praise is rare, and it comes after real work that a person has seen with his own eyes. The flatterer praises before he has seen your work, and he praises things he cannot know. He calls a plan brilliant before he has read it, and he calls a speech great before he has heard a word. Praise that comes too fast and too strong is a warning sign, not a gift.
The table below shows the five types side by side, with one clear warning sign and one calm step for each. Read it once, and keep the pattern in your mind when you meet new people. A warning sign seen early can save a year of regret, and a calm step taken early can save a friendship from turning sour. The table is a short map, and the sections below it give the full road.
| Type of person | Warning sign | Calm step |
|---|---|---|
| The flatterer | Praise that comes too fast and too strong | Test him with a small no and watch his face |
| The gossip | He tells you the secrets of others | Share nothing you would not want repeated |
| The taker | His asks grow and he never gives back | Give in set amounts and count the favours |
| The small liar | He lies about little things with ease | Check one small claim and step back |
| The envy driven critic | Praise that always carries a small cut | Share your wins only with people who cheer |
Watch what the flatterer does on the day you say no to a favour. A true friend accepts the no with a calm smile, and the friendship stays warm. The flatterer turns cold in a single hour, and his praise vanishes like smoke in wind. His praise was never about you, and it was always about the favour he wanted.
Munger warned that the desire to be liked can blind a person to a plain trap. A man who loves praise will feed the flatterer without knowing it, and the flatterer will eat well. The cure is to let praise pass through you without feeding on it. A calm thank you is enough, and the praise should never buy your time or your money.
Test a new friend with a small no before you trust him with a large yes. Say no to a small request, and watch his face with a calm eye. A good friend stays kind, and a flatterer shows his true colours in a day. The test costs nothing, and it can save you a great deal.
Keep flatterers at a friendly distance, and never let them near your money or your plans. Smile, thank them, and move on with your day. Your peace of mind is worth more than sweet words, and sweet words are cheap. A person who praises you honestly will still be there after the test, and the flatterer will walk away on his own.
2. The Gossip Who Tells You Others’ Secrets
The gossip arrives with a gift, and the gift is a secret about someone else. He leans in close, lowers his voice, and tells you what a neighbour did or what a workmate said. The gift feels special, and it feels like trust. A secret told to you about another person is a promise about what he will do with your secrets too.
Robin Dunbar, a researcher at Oxford, found that nearly two thirds of everyday talk is about other people. Talk about others is normal, and it can be kind when it shares news or praise. Gossip is different, and it shares faults, failures, and private pain for fun. The line is plain, and it is the difference between news that helps and talk that harms.
A gossip never keeps a secret, and the secret you tell him today will reach five ears by Friday. He may swear that he will keep it safe, and his oath is worth nothing. The proof is in his own hands, because he is already telling you the secrets of others. A man who tells you one secret is a man who will tell ten of yours.
Gossip also poisons the room it enters, and it turns friends into enemies in a single week. A word said at lunch can reach the whole office by evening, and a family can split over a tale that was never true. The damage is done before the truth can catch up, and the truth often arrives too late. A single tale can cost a friendship that took years to build.
Munger often said that the world is driven less by greed than by envy, and gossip is envy with a voice. A person who talks about others all day has no time left to build his own life. His mind fills with the faults of others, and his own work stands still. A mind full of other people has no room left for its own plans.
The calm step is to change the subject the moment the talk turns to a neighbour. Ask about the work at hand, or simply walk away with a kind smile. A changed subject starves the gossip, and the talkers soon learn that you will not feed it. Walk away with a kind smile, and find better company for your lunch break.
Never tell a gossip anything you would not want on a public wall. Keep your plans, your pay, and your family matters close to your heart. If he asks why you are quiet, smile and say that you keep your own news to yourself. A quiet tongue guards your peace, and your peace is worth more than any tale.
3. The Taker Who Asks and Never Gives Back
The taker is easy to love at first, because he is friendly, warm, and always in need of one small thing. He asks for an hour of your time, a ride to town, or a small sum to tide him over. Each ask is small alone, and each one sounds fair. The pattern is the warning sign, and the pattern never stops.
A healthy friendship is a two way street, and both people give as well as take. The taker only walks one way, and his feet never turn back toward you. He forgets your birthday, misses your calls, and has no time when you need a hand. The score is never even, and it grows more uneven with each month that passes.
Watch for the taker who asks for your time first and your money second. He starts with small asks that cost you an hour, and then he asks for sums that cost you a week of pay. The asks grow slowly, like a weed that grows a little each day. By the time you see the size of the weed, it has deep roots in your garden.
The taker also has a talent for guilt, and he uses it like a key to open your purse. He reminds you of the one kind thing he did years ago, and he asks why you cannot help him now. Guilt is not a fair price for a friendship, and a friend who uses guilt is not a friend. A calm no is the answer, and the no needs no long speech after it.
Give help in set amounts, and count it the way you count money in a purse. Help a friend move house for one afternoon, and help a neighbour fix a fence for one hour. When the set amount is done, the help is done, and you go home with a clear mind. A gift with a clear edge is a kind gift, and a gift with no edge is a hole in your week.
Keep a small note of the favours you give each month, and look at the list with honest eyes. Most workers find that one name fills most of the list, and that name is the person to limit first. The list is not for anger, and it is for clear sight. A clear eye sees a pattern that a kind heart would rather miss.
Fill the freed hours with people who give as well as take, and let their company feed your life. A friend who shares his time, his skill, and his kind word is a gift. Kind company costs nothing but time, and it pays back in joy for years. Choose your company with care, and your company will shape the life you live.
4. The Person Who Lies About Small Things
Small lies are the quietest warning sign of all, and they are easy to excuse with a smile. A workmate says the train was late, yet you saw him at the market that morning. A friend says he called you twice, yet your phone shows no missed call. Each lie is tiny and easy to let pass, yet tiny lies are the seeds of large ones, and the seeds grow fast.
A study by psychologist Robert Feldman found that 60 percent of people tell at least one lie in a ten minute talk. Most of these lies are small, and they are told to look good or to dodge a small shame. The study shows that small lies are common, and it also shows why they matter. A person who lies about small things will lie about large things when the stakes grow high.
I once caught a workmate in a small lie about a late train, and I let it pass with a smile because the lie seemed too small to matter. A month later the same workmate lied about a missing sum, and the missing sum was large enough to cost a man his job. The small lie was the warning, and the warning had been ignored.
The test for a small liar is simple, and it is to check one small claim with a calm eye. If a man says he was at the market, ask a friend who was there too. If a man says he sent a note, ask to see the note with a smile. One checked claim can tell you more than a year of sweet talk, and a calm eye sees what a kind ear would miss.
Munger taught that a clear mind is the best tool a person owns, and a lie is a crack in that tool. A person who lies to you will also lie to himself, and his plans will be built on sand. You cannot build a safe life on the words of a person who bends the truth for comfort. Trust is built on plain facts, and facts are the only ground that holds.
Do not argue with a small liar, and do not try to catch him in a trap. An argument gives him a stage, and a trap gives him a reason to lie again. The calm step is to step back, share less, and keep your plans to yourself. Distance is a quiet answer, and it needs no speech at all.
Keep small liars out of your money, your plans, and your family news. Smile, stay polite, and share only what is safe to share. A polite distance guards you without a fight, and a fight would cost you more than the lie. The liar will find easier ears elsewhere, and your peace will stay safe at home.
5. The Envy Driven Critic Who Shrinks Your Wins
The envy driven critic is the hardest type to spot, because he often wears the clothes of a friend. He smiles when you share good news, yet his smile fades fast. He adds a small warning to your win, or he tells a story about someone who did better. Your joy shrinks a little each time, and you start to hide your wins from him.
Envy grows when a person measures his own life against the wins of others. The critic sees your new job, your saved sum, or your healthy child, and he feels smaller beside it. His small warning is not advice, and it is his own envy dressed in kind words. A person at peace with his own life has no need to shrink the wins of others.
Watch for the pattern of praise that always carries a small cut. He says your work is good, yet he adds that the market is weak. He says your child is bright, yet he adds that bright children often struggle later. Each cut is small alone, yet together they can make you doubt your own wins, and a friend who loves you will let your joy stand on its own.
Munger often said that the world is driven less by greed than by envy. The critic proves his point each time he shrinks a win with a kind sounding cut. His envy is his own burden, and it is not a burden you must carry. Let his words pass, and keep your joy where it belongs.
The calm step is to share your wins with people who cheer for you, and to share little with the critic. Tell him the plain news and no more, and save the full joy for friends who smile without a cut. A critic starved of your wins has nothing to shrink, and your joy stays whole. Your wins are yours to enjoy, and no one else needs to approve them.
Do not try to win the critic over with more proof of your success. More proof only feeds his envy, and his cuts will grow sharper with each new win. The race to please a critic has no finish line, and the race always ends in an empty heart. Step off the race, and let your own measure guide your life.
Measure your own growth by your own page, and write the page in plain ink. Note the sum you saved this year, the skill you learned, and the peace you kept at home. These are real wins, and they need no witness to be true. A life measured by its own growth is a life that no critic can shrink, and the types of people you should not trust are the ones who try to shrink it for you.
Conclusion
These five types share one plain idea, and that idea is that trust must be earned in small steps. The types of people you should not trust are not monsters, and they are ordinary people with habits that can harm you. The flatterer, the gossip, the taker, the small liar, and the envy driven critic each show small signs before the harm grows large. Learn the signs, and you can guard your money, your time, and your peace of mind.
Munger called his way of thinking inversion, and it means asking what could ruin a good life and then staying far away from it. He learned the idea from the mathematician Carl Jacobi, who said to invert, always invert. Munger used it for money, for friends, and for daily choices, and it served him for ninety nine years. A rule that serves a man for a lifetime is a rule worth keeping.
I hope you pick one type from this list and watch for its signs this week. Choose the type you have already met in your own life, and test one calm step from this article. A small win this week will give you strength for a bigger win next month. The first step is the hardest, and it is also the most important.
Your days do not need more people to be happy, and they need fewer harmful ones. A lighter circle of friends is a happier life, and a happier life is built one calm step away at a time. Each type you spot frees an hour, a dollar, or a calm thought, and the freed gifts add up. A year of calm steps can lift a heavy life into a light one.
Share this article with a friend who trusts too fast and wonders why he is tired. A shared warning is easier to keep than a lonely one, and a family that talks about trust grows safer together. Talk about the five types at the dinner table, and let each person name one sign to watch. A home that talks about trust with calm honesty is a home that grows rich in peace.
The road to a safe and happy life is long, yet it is walked one small step at a time. A year of steady care beats a week of grand plans that fade. Keep the short no ready on your lips, keep your plans close to your heart, and keep your evenings for the people you love. The steps are small, yet the direction they point is the direction of freedom.
Start tonight, before the day ends and the old trust returns. Watch for one warning sign, set one calm limit, or take one quiet step away. The future belongs to the person who begins, and the beginning is now. A year from today, you will be glad you started on this very night.
