10 Goals To Become A Better Person And Stay Consistent

There was a man. His name was James. He had a good job, a good home, a good life on the out side. The kind of life that people look at and say “he did it.” But each night, when the door was shut and the room was dark and the world was still, James felt some thing he did not have a word for. A gap. A pull. Like a boat that look fine but has a slow leak no one can see from the dock.

One day, James lost the job. Not for a bad cause. The firm cut the team. And in a week, all the thing that made him feel like “some one” were gone. The title. The card. The call. The plan. Gone… And he sat there, in a flat that now felt like a room he did not know, and the gap he felt each night was now the full room. No place to run. No task to hide in. Just him and the real ask: who are you when you have no thing to show?

That is the ask most people never stop long enough to hear. And it is the most key ask a soul can face.

James is not rare. James is most of us. We build a life that look good from the road but feel odd from the in side. We set goal, we work hard, we try to be more, but some how the gap stay. Not because we did not work. But because we were work on the wrong part. The out side look, not the in root.

What you are about to read is not a list of soft tip or fast fix. It is ten goal, yes. But each one go to a place most self help talk skip. The deep part. The real part. The part that no one post on a reel or talk about at a big talk on a lit up stage. These are the kind of goal that do not give you a clap in a week. They give you a life that feel true in ten year. And that, most will tell you, is the only kind that last.

James did find his way back. Not to the old job. Not to the old life. To a self that he had not met in a long time. The real one. The one under all the role and the show and the need to be seen. And the way he got there was not by read one more book or set one more big aim. It was by the slow, hard, dark, and good work of these ten goal, done one day at a time, with no one to clap.

That is what this is for.

Goal One: Know Who You Are, Not Who They Said You Were

Most people go through life with a self that was made by the world. Your mom said you were shy, so you are shy. Your old boss said you were not a lead man, so you stop lead. Your old mate said you were too much, so you made your self less. This is the most sad trap a soul can fall into. And most of us are in it, and do not even know.

The real work is not to find out who you want to be. It is to see who you are, right now, under all that was put on you. To do this, you need to sit with your self. Not with your phone. Not with your work. Not with your plan. Just you, and a bit of calm time.

Ask: what do you feel when no one is there to see? What do you love to do when you get no cash for it? What do you fear so much that you run from it each time it show up? The way you act when no one is there, that is who you are. And that is the one you must know and meet.

There is a thing they call the “false self” in the mind field. It is the one you wear for the world. It is not bad. It just grew from the need to fit in, to be safe, to be liked. But when a soul run the whole of life from the false self, there come a day when they feel that they have been some one else all this time. And that is a deep, real pain. One that few talk about.

The goal is to find the real self. Not to fix it. Just to see it. Most folk, when they see the real self, find it is not as bad as they thought. In fact, most find that the real self is more good than the one they were told to be by the world.

When you know who you are, you stop need to be what they say. You stop get hurt when they do not see you. You stop wait for a clap from the room. You are your own base. And that is a hard base to move.

This will not come in a day. Or a week. Sit with your self more. Ask the hard ask. Let the real you come up slow and with care. Not the one they made. The one you are.

Goal Two: Learn from Pain, Not Just from Book

Most self help talk tell you to read more, learn more, take more note. And yes, that help a lot. But the real change, the deep kind that last, does not come from a book. It come from a wound. From the day you lose the job. From the end of the bond. From the time you fail the big test. Those day hurt. But they also teach in a way no book can copy.

The trap is that we try to run from that hurt too fast. We eat, we scroll, we talk, we move, so that we do not feel. And then the year pass and we are still the same old soul. The wound did not teach us. It just got old.

The goal here is to sit with the pain long enough to ask: what is this here to show me? Not in a sad way. Not to stay in it too long. But to look at it like a note. Pain is a note from life that say: this part of you need some work.

In the east, many old wise men wrote that pain is a door, not a wall. This is not just a nice word to say at a talk. It is a real thing. Some of the best men and best soul in the world, in art, in lead, in care, went through a time of great pain. And they came out not the same. They came out more real, more wise, more kind to the pain of each man they met.

The key is to not let pain make you less. Let it make you more wise. There is a gap between the two. And that gap is the choice you make each time life hit you hard. Do you run? Or do you sit and ask?

When you can look back at a hard time and say “that was the one that made me,” you have done the work. Not just the pain, but the work of not run from it. And that is rare. Most people run. The few who stay, who sit, who ask, those are the ones who grow in the deep part.

Do not just read. Live. And when life hurt you, do not just heal and move on. Heal and learn. That is the step that most folk skip, and it is the most key step of all.

Goal Three: Talk Less, See More

This one is hard for many. We live in a time where talk is seen as skill. The one who talk most in the room is the one who get seen. The one who is loud get the job. The one who can fill the air with word is the one who get the call. But the real wise soul, the one who know the most, often say the least.

Here is the real thing about talk: when you talk too much, you stop to hear. And when you stop to hear, you stop to learn. And when you stop to learn, you stop to grow. It is that clear. The mouth and the ear can not do the same work at the same time. One must wait.

The goal is not to be cold or to hide in a room. It is to be still long enough to see what is real. When you walk in and say less, you see the way people act. You see who is fake. You see who is true. You see what is not said out loud. That is the real talk. The one with no word.

The old book “The Art of War” by Sun Tzu says that the man who know much say less. Not out of fear. Out of skill. He know that each word you say is a card you put on the face up. And you do not show all your card at once. Not to hide. But to see more and stay calm.

Try this for one week. Say half of what you plan to say. See what you see. You will be more calm. You will see more. And people will hear more in your word, not less. Because your word will be real. Not filler. Not fear. Not need to fill the air.

The man who talk a lot is often the man who feel not heard. He talk to feel real. But the soul who say less, who is still, who wait, that soul does not need to fill the air. They are at peace in the gap. And that calm is what the room feel. That is what the world come to want to be near.

Learn the gap. Love the gap. The gap is not empty. It is full of what you will see when you are not too busy to look.

Goal Four: Keep Your Word to Your Self

This is the one no one talk about. Not the real of it. We all know we must keep our word to the world. To our work. To our mate. To our boss. But what about the word we give to our self? That one, most of us break again and again and never stop to see what it cost.

“This week, the wake time will be 6.” Day one, done. Day two, skip. “This month, the junk food stop.” A week in, back at it. “This year, it will be more.” Mid year, same old way.

Each time that word is broke, a note is sent to the deep part of the self. That note say: you can not be trust. And each time it happen, the base of self goes down a bit. Not in a way you can see that day. But over the year, you feel it. You feel like a soul who say they will do but then they do not. And that soul does not feel good from the in side.

The goal is to start very, very small. So small that fail is not a real risk. Not “run five mile each day.” Say “walk for two min.” Do it. The next day, do it. The day after, do it. Each time the word is kept, self trust goes up a bit. And self trust is the real base of all good life. More than the plan, more than the skill, more than the cash.

This is not a soft tip. This is one of the most key thing on this list. A soul who does not trust them self can not do the real hard work. They will self stop. They will find a way to not do. Because deep in, they know: the word will not be kept, so why try.

But when a soul keep the small word, over and over, they grow into the one who does what they say. And that soul can take on more. And more. And over the year, they are not the same at all. They are the one they said they would be.

Start small. Keep the word. That is the whole of it.

Goal Five: Stop the Need to Prove Your Self

Here is a hard one. Most folk are run by the need to show the world that they are good. That they are worth. That they are not what that one old voice told them they were. And this need, when you look at it real close, is a wound walk. It is pain in a coat that look like drive.

The soul who must show all they have. The one who must win each talk. The one who can not let a word pass without a word back. That soul is not free. They are in a race that has no end. And the race is with a ghost. The ghost of the one who told them, long ago, that they were not enough.

The goal is to see it. To see when the need to prove is the one in the lead seat. And to ask: who is this for? Is it for them, or is it for the old scar?

When you let go of the need to prove, a big weight go off. You stop fight for the last word. You stop need the nod. You can let a man be wrong and not say a word, because your worth does not come from the win of that talk. It come from a deep place that they can not reach or take.

This does not mean you stop care. You can still do big work. You can still aim high. But the why is not the same. When you do not need to prove, you do the work for the work. Not for the look. Not for the clap. And that kind of work, done for its own sake, is the best kind. It last. It has a root.

Some of the best folk who ever lived did most of their work with no one look. They did not need the world to say “well done.” The work was the say.

Ask your self: if no one ever knew, would you still do it? If yes, you are in the right spot. If no, look at why. The answer will show you the gap.

Goal Six: Find What Drain You and Cut It

Most folk know what fill them up. A good talk with a true mate. A long walk. A good book. Time with a kid. Work that mean some thing. But most folk are much less clear on what drain them. And what drain us is as key as what fill us. In fact, some say more key.

The drain can be a soul in your life who take and never give. It can be a job that pay you but kill your soul each day. It can be the way you eat, the way you rest, the way you use each hour. Some of these are easy to see. Most are not.

The goal is to do a real look. For one week, look at how you feel at the end of each talk, each task, each hour. Not the big look at the end of the year. The small daily look. Who and what left you more than you were? Who and what left you less? The list will show you what the mind did not want to say out loud.

Then cut. Or at the very best, make less. You will feel bad at first. As if you are cold or not kind. But a soul who does not guard their life will find, soon, they have no life left to give. Not to their work, not to their bond, not to the people they love most.

Some drain you can not just cut. A sick one at home, a bad job with no way out yet, a hard bond you are not yet free from. But even then, the goal is to see it. To name it. When you name the drain, you are not in the dark any more. You know what cost what. And you can start to make a plan, even a slow one.

Be real with what you let in. Be real with who you let near. Not in a cold way. In a wise, calm way.

Goal Seven: Help One Soul Each Day With No Plan to Get Back

This one is deep. And the self help world will not tell you this, not in the way it need to be told. Give with no plan to get back. Not for a like, not for a post, not for a name, not for a feel good at the end of the day. Just give.

Why? Because a soul who give with no plan to get back is a free soul. They are not in a deal. They are not wait. They are not hurt when the give does not come back. They just gave. And they are at peace.

The hard truth is that most give is not real give. Most give is trade with a nice face. “Help him now so he will help me.” “Give this so they will think well of me.” That is not give. That is plan. And the world can feel the gap between the two. It can feel when you give from need and when you give from free.

Real give ask for no thing back. Not a word of thanks. Not a note. Not a nod. Just the act, in the dark, with no plan to gain from it. That is the kind that change you from the in side. That is the kind the old wise men wrote about when they said give is the path to the real life.

Try it. Not in a big way. Help one soul each day. Hold a door. Pay for a tea. Say a real, true word to a sad face. Do not tell any one what you did. And see how you feel at the end of that day. It will not feel like loss. It will feel like gain. And that is the odd thing about give with no plan. The more you do it, the more it come back. Not as a deal. Just as life.

Goal Eight: Build a Self That Does Not Need to Be Seen

We live in a time of show. Each deed must be on a post. Each win must be on a reel. Each trip, each meal, each word must be seen by some one. And in this, we lose the self that does not need to be seen.

That self is the real self. The one that do the good deed at 3 in the dark when no one is up. The one that read when no one ask. The one that help when no one look. That is the one to grow. That is the one that will last.

Why? Because the soul who need to be seen will be run by the need to be seen. Their joy will be tied to the nod of the world. And the world is not a safe place to put your joy. It will say yes one day, and no the next. And if your joy live in that yes, it will die in that no.

The goal is to do more in the dark. To do the good that no one know. To do the work when no one is there to see. And over time, you will find that you need the nod less. And when you need it less, you are more free. You can do the work for the work. You can love for the love. You can give for the give. And no one can take that from you.

It is a hard goal. Not hard to do. But hard to want to do. Because it go against all that the world tell you. The world say: show. The goal say: do. The world say: tell. The goal say: be. And the gap, once you see it, can not be un-seen.

The soul who do good work with no plan to post it, no plan to tell it, no plan to get a word back for it, that soul is the most free of all. That is the one to grow into.

Goal Nine: Rest Is Not a Reward, It Is a Tool

This is the most miss goal on the list. Rest is not what you get when you earn it. Rest is what you need to do your work well. This is not a soft word. This is real and true and most folk do not live by it.

When you do not rest, the mind get slow. The mood go dark. The call get poor. The bond get weak. And yet so many wear the lack of rest like a mark of pride. “Four hour of sleep and I do not stop.” As if that is a win. As if that is the sign of a good soul.

It is not. A mind that is run to the edge will not give you the best call. It will not give you the best word. It will not give you the best self. It will give you what is left. And what is left is not enough for the work or the life you want.

The goal is to see rest as part of the work. Not a break from it. Not a gift you give your self when all the task are done. A real tool. A key part of how you stay good, stay sharp, and stay kind. To the work. To the people. To your self.

Sleep more. Sit in the sun. Do less some days on aim. Walk with no plan. Eat well. Be still for a bit. Your best work will come from a mind that is full, not from one that is near the edge of break.

The soul who rest well is the soul who can do the most. Not the one who run till they drop and call it hard work. True hard work know when to stop, so it can start again.

Goal Ten: Be the Same Soul in the Dark as in the Light

This is the last goal. And the one that tie all nine of the rest. A good soul is not the one who act good when they are seen. It is the one who act the same way when no one is there. When the door is shut. When the room is dark and still. When no one will ever know.

This is the real test. What do you do when no one know? What do you say when no one hear? How do you treat the one who can do no thing for you? What do you think when the day is done and it is just you? That is who you are.

The goal is not to be a saint. The goal is to close the gap between the you that the world see and the you that is real. The more that gap close, the more at peace you will be. Because when the two self are one, you have no thing to hide. No thing to keep track of. No face to wear. No role to play.

When you are the same in the dark as in the light, you do not need to act. You do not need to plan what to say. You do not need to fix the face before you walk in the room. You are just you. And that is the most free a soul can be.

This takes a long time. It is not done in a day. Some folk work on this for the whole of their life. But the work is not in vain. Each small step, each small choice to be the same when no one look, is a step to a life that is full and at peace with its self.

Not to be great in the eye of the world. To be true in the dark. And then, when the light come, to not need to change a thing.

Key Things to Take Away

• The self you show the world and the self you are at 3 in the dark are two very real folk. The goal is to make them one.
• Pain is not a wall. It is a door. But only if you do not run from it too fast.
• Each time the word you give your self is broke, a bit of self trust go with it. Start very small and keep the word.
• Give with no plan to get back. Not for the thanks. Not for the look. Just give. That is the free act.
• What drain you is as key as what fill you. See both. Then act on what you see.
• Rest is not weak. It is the tool that make all the rest of the work good.

The Last Word

It is not hard to want to grow. Most folk want that. The hard part is the day to day. The small call that no one see. The word you say when you are tired. The move you make when the door is shut and the room is dark.

These ten goal are not a plan you do for a week. They are a way you chose to live, day by day, till the end. Not all at once. Not all the time. But more and more, each day, a bit more than the last. That is the whole of it.

As Marcus Aurelius once wrote: “Do not waste the rest of your life in thoughts about other men.” Turn that eye back to your self. Not in a hard way. In a kind, real, slow way.

The best soul you can be is not far from where you now stand. That soul live in the choice you make when no one is there.