5 Behaviors of People With Low Emotional Intelligence (Warren Buffett), and the Calm Habits That Can Replace Them

Have you ever watched a calm person handle a hard moment, and wondered why his face stays still while yours turns hot. The answer is a skill called emotional intelligence, and it is the quiet skill of knowing what you feel and choosing what you do next. Warren Buffett, one of the richest men in the world, says that the most important quality for a person who manages money is temperament, not cleverness. Temperament is just another word for this same skill, and it can be learned by any person at any age.

Low emotional intelligence is not a lack of brains, and many clever people carry it. A clever person can solve hard sums and still shout at his wife over a small thing. A clever person can run a large firm and still storm out of a meeting when a worker disagrees with him. The skill is not about how much you know, and it is about how you carry what you feel when life presses you.

I once knew a manager who was quick with numbers and slow with people, and his team feared his moods more than his rules. A small error in a report could bring a loud voice, and a fair question in a meeting could bring a cold stare. His workers did their jobs, yet they hid their best ideas, and the firm lost more from his temper than from any rival. He was not a bad man, and he simply never learned to pause between a feeling and an act.

Daniel Goleman, the writer who made emotional intelligence famous, studied nearly 200 large firms and found that emotional skill mattered about twice as much as cleverness and technical skill for top jobs. A later study by the research firm TalentSmart tested more than a million people and found that 90 percent of top performers scored high in emotional intelligence. These numbers show that the skill pays in real life, and it pays more than a high test score. The five behaviors below are the plain marks of a person who lacks it, and each one can be changed with calm practice.

Read the five behaviors slowly, and mark the ones you see in your own life today. The behaviors of people with low emotional intelligence show up in small daily moments, not in grand events, and that is good news. A small daily moment is a small daily chance to change, and the change starts with seeing the mark clearly. Each behavior below comes with a calm habit that can replace it, and the calm habit is yours to practice from today.

The short answer: the behaviors of people with low emotional intelligence are five plain marks, from answering in anger to missing the mood of a room. Each mark is a habit of the heart, not a fixed part of who you are, and each one can be changed with slow calm practice. When you see the mark in yourself, you can pause, name the feeling, and choose a better answer, and that single pause is the start of real growth.

Key Takeaways

• They answer in anger before they stop to think.
• They listen only to reply, not to understand.
• They take small comments as personal attacks.
• They cannot name what they feel, so the feeling runs them.
• They miss the mood of the room around them.

1. They Answer in Anger Before They Stop to Think

The first of the behaviors of people with low emotional intelligence is the fastest one to see, and it is an answer that comes before the thought. A sharp word lands in a meeting, and the person fires back with a louder word before the first one has even settled. A text arrives with a hard tone, and the reply is sent in ten seconds, full of heat and short of sense. The speed feels like strength, yet it is the opposite, because a mind that answers in anger has let the feeling choose the words.

Buffett is famous for the opposite habit, and his way is to wait before he acts, a habit he has kept for a lifetime. He once said that the most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect. When markets fall and others rush to sell, he sits still and reads. When a deal looks bright and others rush to buy, he waits for the price to make sense.

Anger in the body is a fast wave, and science shows that the wave passes in about ninety seconds if it is not fed. A hard breath, a slow count to ten, and a glass of water can carry a person through the worst of it. The person who answers at once rides the wave, and the person who waits lets the wave pass. Ninety seconds of waiting can save a friendship, a job, or a family meal.

The cost of a fast angry answer is easy to count in plain life. A harsh reply to a worker can make him hide his next good idea, and a harsh word to a wife can stay in her mind for weeks. A sharp text to a friend can end a friendship that took ten years to build. Each fast answer buys a small moment of pride, and the price is paid for months after.

Try a small rule this week, and keep it simple enough to hold on a bad day. When a hard word lands, put your hands flat on the table and breathe three slow breaths before you speak. If the moment is on a phone, put the phone down and walk to the window for one minute. A pause of one minute is short, yet it is long enough for the wise part of your mind to wake up.

Tell your family about the rule, so they can help you keep it. A wife who knows the rule can give you a quiet look when your voice starts to rise, and a child who sees the pause will learn to pause too. A family that waits together grows calmer together, and the calm spreads from one person to the next. The pause is a small gift, and it costs nothing but a minute.

Look at your last week, and count the times you answered in heat before you thought. If the count is three or more, this behavior is yours to work on, and the work is simple. A single pause each day can change the whole colour of your month, and a month of pauses can change the whole shape of your life. The first behavior is the loudest of the five, and it is also the easiest to tame.

2. They Listen Only to Reply, Not to Understand

The second behavior hides inside a talk, and it is a person who listens only to plan his next sentence. His eyes stay on the speaker, yet his mind is busy shaping an answer, and the answer is ready before the speaker has finished. He hears the words, yet he misses the feeling under the words, and the feeling is the part that matters most. A talk with such a person feels like a race, and the race ends with two people who never truly met.

Buffett is known as a great listener, and his partner Charlie Munger said that Buffett learns more by listening than by talking. In long meetings Buffett sits still, asks a plain question, and lets the other person speak to the end. He knows that a mind that listens learns twice as much as a mouth that talks, and his quiet way has made him one of the wisest men in business. A person who listens to understand gains the whole room, and a person who listens to reply gains only his own voice.

Listening to understand is a simple skill, and it starts with the body. Put the phone away, turn your chair toward the speaker, and let your eyes rest on his face. Nod slowly when a point lands, and keep your mouth still until the last word has been said. A body that listens with care tells the speaker that his words matter, and the speaker will open his heart wider.

The cost of poor listening shows in every part of life. A worker who feels unheard stops sharing his best ideas, and a wife who feels unheard stops sharing her true feelings. A friend who feels unheard slowly stops calling, and the friendship fades without a fight. Each missed feeling is a small crack, and the cracks add up to a wall between two people.

Try a small test in your next talk, and keep it easy to remember. When the other person stops speaking, wait two full seconds before you answer, and use the two seconds to ask yourself what he truly felt. Then repeat his feeling back in plain words, such as saying that he sounds tired or worried. A short repeat shows that you heard the heart, not only the words, and the speaker will feel safe to say more.

Teach your children this way of listening, so the habit passes to the next generation. A child who is heard at home learns to hear others at school, and a child who is cut off learns to cut others off. The dinner table is the best school for listening, and a family that listens together stays close together. Listening is a gift that costs nothing, and it is the gift that keeps a family whole.

Look at your last three talks, and ask if you truly heard the feeling under the words. If the answer is no, this behavior is yours to work on, and the work starts with two seconds of silence. A listener who waits is a listener who learns, and a learner who listens grows wiser each year. The second behavior is the quietest of the five, and it is also the one that heals the most.

3. They Take Every Small Comment as a Personal Attack

The third behavior is a thin skin, and it is a person who hears blame in words that carry none. A boss says that a report needs more work, and the person hears that he is lazy. A friend jokes about a late arrival, and the person hears that he is not loved. A wife asks a plain question about money, and the person hears that he has failed as a husband, yet the words are small and the hurt is large, because the mind adds a story that was never spoken.

A thin skin comes from a mind that ties its worth to the praise of others, and praise is a poor anchor. When worth rests on praise, a single plain word can feel like a storm, and the storm drives the person to defend or attack. A person whose worth rests on his own honest work can hear a plain word and stay calm. The calm comes from inside, not from the mouths of others, and it cannot be taken by a careless sentence.

Buffett has lived with public blame for decades, and his way is to stay steady when the crowd turns loud. He once said that it takes twenty years to build a good name and five minutes to ruin it, and he acts as if that truth guides every choice. He does not answer each critic, and he does not change his plan to please the crowd. A man who knows his own worth can let a harsh word pass like a cloud, and the cloud leaves no mark on a steady mind.

The cost of a thin skin shows in work and at home alike. A worker who takes each note as an attack stops asking for help, and his work grows worse in silence. A husband who hears attack in a plain question starts a fight where no fight was needed, and the home fills with cold air. Each small storm wastes a day of peace, and a year of small storms can break a good marriage.

Try a small test when a plain word stings, and keep it easy to hold. Ask yourself if the words truly carried blame, or if your mind added the blame on its own. Then ask what a kind friend would hear in the same words, and let the kinder hearing win. A kinder hearing is not a weak act, and it is a wise act, because it saves the day from a storm that never needed to form.

Keep a small notebook of the stings, and write each one down with the true words beside it. A sting written in ink often looks smaller than it felt in the moment, and the plain words show that no attack was there. A week of notes can teach a person that his skin is stronger than he feared, and the lesson grows with each honest page. The notebook is a mirror, and the mirror shows the truth in calm ink.

Look at your last week, and count the plain words that stung you. If the count is five or more, this behavior is yours to work on, and the work is a kinder hearing. A person who hears plain words as plain words keeps his peace, and a person who keeps his peace keeps his friends. The third behavior is the most painful of the five, and it is also the one that frees the most joy when it is healed.

4. They Cannot Name What They Feel, So the Feeling Runs Them

I once sat beside a man who said he felt fine while his hands shook and his voice rose with each word. He was not fine, and he was tired, worried, and hurt all at once, yet he had no words for any of it. The feelings he could not name took charge of him, and they spoke through a loud voice and a slammed door. A feeling that has no name is a driver with no face, and it steers the whole day from the dark.

Emotional intelligence starts with naming, and naming is a simple skill that any person can learn. A person who can say that he feels tired, worried, or hurt has already taken the first step toward calm. A person who can only say that he feels fine or bad is blind to his own heart, and a blind driver cannot steer. The words for feelings are the map of the inner life, and the map shows the road to calm.

Goleman wrote that people with high emotional intelligence know their own feelings well, and they use that knowledge to guide their choices. A leader who knows he is worried will wait before he decides, and a father who knows he is tired will rest before he speaks. A person who knows his own heart can choose his acts, and a person who does not know it is chosen by his acts. The knowledge is the key, and the key fits every door in daily life.

The cost of unnamed feelings shows in stress, sleep, and health alike. A worker who cannot name his worry carries it home, and the worry eats his sleep and his calm. A husband who cannot name his hurt turns it into cold silence, and the silence eats the warmth of the home. Each unnamed feeling grows in the dark, and the dark makes a small worry look like a giant.

Try a small practice three times a day, and keep it short enough to hold. Pause at morning, noon, and night, and ask yourself what you feel in one plain word. The word can be calm, tired, glad, worried, or hurt, and one word is enough. A word written on a small card can carry the feeling out of the dark, and the light makes it smaller.

Teach your children the words for feelings, so the skill passes to the next generation. A child who can say that he feels sad will ask for help, and a child who cannot will only cry or shout. The dinner table is the best school for feeling words, and a family that names its feelings stays warm and close. A feeling named is a feeling tamed, and a tamed feeling cannot run the house.

Look at your last three days, and ask if you could name what you felt in each one. If the answer is no, this behavior is yours to work on, and the work starts with one plain word. A person who names his feelings owns his day, and a person who owns his day owns his life. The fourth behavior is the deepest of the five, and it is also the one that brings the most peace when it is learned.

5. They Cannot Read the Room Around Them

The fifth behavior is a blind eye for the mood of a room, and it is a person who cannot tell when the air has changed. A friend shares sad news, and the person laughs and changes the topic. A room turns tense after a hard word, and the person pushes on with a joke that no one wants. A child asks a hard question with tears in his eyes, and the person answers with a cold fact, yet the moment is wrong and a right word at a wrong time is a wrong word.

Reading a room is a skill of the eyes and the ears, and it starts with watching faces before speaking. A wise person enters a room and reads the faces first, and the faces tell him if the air is light or heavy. A person with low emotional intelligence enters a room and speaks first, and the words land on ears that are not ready. The room is a living thing, and the wise person greets it before he tries to lead it.

Buffett reads rooms with the same care he reads firms, and his partners say he knows when to speak and when to stay still. In a tense meeting he asks a soft question, and the soft question opens the air again. In a proud moment he gives the praise to others, and the praise lifts the whole room. A man who reads the room well is a man who is trusted, and trust is the coin that buys a calm life.

Daily moment	Low EQ answer	High EQ answer
A friend shares sad news	He laughs and changes the topic	He stays quiet and listens with care
A worker makes a mistake	He shouts and blames in front of all	He asks what went wrong in private
The room turns tense	He pushes on with a loud joke	He asks a soft question and waits
A child asks a hard question	He gives a cold fact and walks away	He kneels down and answers with warmth

The cost of a missed room shows in lost trust and lost chances alike. A joke told at a sad time can make a friend feel small, and a pushy point made in a tense hour can close a door that was open. A cold fact given to a crying child can teach him that his tears do not matter, and the lesson stays for years. Each missed mood is a small crack in trust, and the cracks add up to a wall.

Try a small practice before you speak in any room, and keep it easy to hold. Look at three faces, and ask yourself if the air is light, heavy, or tense. Then match your first words to the air you found, and let a heavy room hear a soft voice. A soft first word can open a heavy room, and a loud first word can close a light one.

Watch the faces of your own family each night, and let the watching become a habit. A wife who looks tired needs a kind word, not a list of tasks, and a child who looks sad needs a hug, not a lesson. A family that reads its own rooms stays warm, and the warmth spreads to every guest who enters. Reading a room starts at home, and home is the best school for the skill.

Look at your last week, and count the times you spoke before you read the room. If the count is three or more, this behavior is yours to work on, and the work starts with three quiet faces. A person who reads the room is a person who is trusted, and a person who is trusted is a person who leads. The fifth behavior is the most social of the five, and it is also the one that opens the most doors when it is learned.

Conclusion

These five behaviors share one plain idea, and that idea is that low emotional intelligence is a habit, not a fate. The behaviors of people with low emotional intelligence show up in anger, poor listening, thin skin, unnamed feelings, and missed rooms, and each one can be changed with calm practice. Each behavior is a mark you can see in your own week, and the marks add up to a clear picture. A clear picture is the first step toward a calmer life, and the step is yours to take.

Buffett showed by his long calm life that temperament beats cleverness, and his way is simple to copy. He waits before he acts, he listens before he speaks, and he lets a harsh word pass like a cloud. His way asks for no large sum and no rare gift, and it asks only for a pause, a plain word, and a watchful eye. A pause kept each day is a habit, and a habit kept for a year is a new life.

I hope you count your own marks tonight, and mark each one with an honest hand. You may hold two or three already, and that is a fair start for any person who is growing. Pick the weakest mark first, and give it one small step this week. A single pause, a single kind hearing, or a single named feeling can start the change.

Your past does not decide your future, and your temper does not decide it either. Your daily choices decide it, one small pause at a time, and each pause is a brick in a calmer life. A person who keeps his pauses in calm is a person who climbs, and the climb is real even when it is slow. The climb starts with seeing, and seeing starts tonight.

Share this article with a friend who works hard on himself yet wonders why his talks end in fights. A shared mark is easier to see than a lonely one, and a friend who counts his marks with you grows with you. Talk about the five behaviors over a meal, and let each person name the one they see most. A meal shared in honesty is a meal that heals.

A year from now, the marks will be weaker, and the calm habits will feel more like home. Keep the pause, keep the listening ear, and keep the plain word for each feeling. Growth is not a single leap, and it is a slow climb that rewards each steady foot. The calm you build today will guard your family for years to come.

Tonight, before the day ends, take one small step that proves the change is real. Wait two seconds before your next answer, name one feeling in a plain word, or read the faces in your room before you speak. A year from today, you will be glad you started on this very night. The best version of yourself is not far away, and it is one pause closer with each day you practice.