20 Things To Do Before You Turn 20

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There’s something quietly mythic about turning twenty. It isn’t dramatic the way eighteen is. No ceremonies. No sudden legal freedoms that feel cinematic. And yet, when I look back, nineteen feels like the edge of a shoreline. Only 1 step makes you a man. You’re something else. Not fully formed. Not fully sure. But no longer allowed to pretend you have all the time in the world.

I don’t think the pressure is helpful. The lists online feel loud. They talk about success and networking and building a brand before you’ve even figured out how to sit with your own thoughts. But I’ve noticed something else. The years before twenty aren’t about achievement. They’re about orientation. They’re about learning how you move through the world. And how the world moves through you.

These are not instructions. They’re patterns I’ve seen, mistakes I’ve made, and small realizations that only made sense in hindsight.

1. Learn How to Be Alone Without Feeling Lonely

At sixteen, being alone can feel like punishment. At nineteen, it can feel like failure. Everyone else seems to be somewhere. With someone. Posting about it.

But solitude is a skill. Psychologists have quietly studied this for years. Research from the University of Reading found that young people who tolerate solitude well report stronger emotional regulation and higher life satisfaction later on. It isn’t about isolation. It’s about self-containment.

I’ve noticed that if you can sit alone in a café without reaching for your phone, something shifts. The room feels bigger. Your thoughts feel less urgent. You begin to realize that loneliness isn’t always about the absence of people. Sometimes it’s the absence of your own company.

Before twenty, practice staying. Stay in your room without distraction. Take a walk. Let boredom stretch a little. It teaches you something essential. That your presence is enough to fill a space.

2. Work a Job That Exhausts You

Not because hustle culture demands it. But because friction teaches you where your edges are.

My first real job was humbling. Long hours. Repetitive tasks. A manager who barely remembered my name. I resented it at first. Then I started noticing things. The woman who had been there for twenty years and still laughed on break. The student is working double shifts to pay tuition. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, nearly 60 percent of teenagers in the United States have some form of employment before age twenty. It’s not glamorous work. It’s formative.

Exhaustion clarifies values. It shows you what kind of tired feels meaningful and what kind feels empty. That distinction matters later more than you think.

3. Travel Somewhere That Disorients You

Not necessarily abroad. Just somewhere that disrupts your assumptions.

When I first stepped outside my familiar routines, I realized how narrow my worldview had been. Travel, even short and imperfect, forces you into observation mode. You notice how people queue differently. How conversations flow. How time feels.

There’s a reason sociologists call travel a “perspective broadener.” A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that multicultural experiences increase cognitive flexibility. In simple terms, you think differently afterward.

Before twenty, let yourself feel out of place. It humbles you in the best way.

4. Fail Publicly at Something That Matters to You

Private failure is safe. Public failure lingers.

Maybe you audition and don’t get the role. Maybe you start a small project and it quietly collapses. I once poured months into something that barely anyone noticed. It felt embarrassing. But it stripped something unnecessary from me. The need to appear competent at all times.

Even people like Oprah Winfrey were fired early in their careers. She has spoken about being told she was unfit for television. Failure didn’t end her trajectory. It shaped it.

Before twenty, let yourself be seen trying. The fear of embarrassment is heavier than embarrassment itself.

5. Have One Deep Conversation With a Grandparent or Elder

Time moves differently for them.

I once asked my grandfather what he regretted most. He didn’t mention money. Or status. He said he wished he had worried less about what others thought when he was young.

There’s data to support the power of intergenerational connection. Studies from Stanford’s Center on Longevity show that young people who engage with older adults report increased empathy and reduced anxiety about aging.

But statistics aside, the real gift is perspective. You begin to see your current problems in a longer arc. They shrink slightly. Not because they don’t matter. But because life is larger than this moment.

6. Understand How Money Actually Works

Not in theory. In practice.

Open a bank account. Track your spending for a month. Notice patterns. According to a 2023 survey by the Financial Industry Regulatory Authority, less than 40 percent of young adults can correctly answer basic financial literacy questions.

Money anxiety often starts in silence. When you don’t understand something, you avoid it. And avoidance grows quietly.

Before twenty, learn what compound interest means. Learn what debt feels like. Even small amounts. It removes mystery. And mystery is what usually scares us.

7. Fall in Love With Something That Isn’t a Person

A craft. A subject. A sport.

Teenage years are saturated with relational intensity. It’s easy to make another person your entire orbit. But there’s stability in loving something that doesn’t leave.

For me, it was writing. Not professionally. Just privately. It grounded me when relationships shifted.

Psychologists sometimes talk about “self expansion theory.” The idea that we grow by engaging deeply with new activities. Not just people.

Before twenty, find something you return to. It becomes a quiet anchor.

8. Question a Belief You Inherited

We inherit more than genetics. We inherit assumptions.

About success. About relationships. About what kind of person we are allowed to be.

I remember realizing that one of my core beliefs wasn’t actually mine. It had been handed down, unquestioned. That recognition felt destabilizing. And freeing.

Philosopher Socrates built his life around questioning assumptions. Not to rebel. But to refine.

Before twenty, ask yourself gently: Is this truly mine?

9. Apologize Sincerely Without Defending Yourself

This one stings.

It’s easy to say sorry and then explain. To soften the blow with context. But a real apology stands alone.

I once hurt someone unintentionally. My instinct was to clarify my motives. But that wasn’t what they needed. They needed acknowledgment.

Repair is a skill. Relationship researchers like John Gottman emphasize that successful long term bonds depend less on avoiding conflict and more on repair attempts.

Before twenty, learn how to say I was wrong. Without a footnote.

10. Learn Basic Health Literacy

Understand your body beyond appearance.

Know what sleep deprivation does to cognition. The CDC reports that teenagers need eight to ten hours of sleep, yet most get far less. Know how nutrition affects mood. Notice what stress feels like physically.

Your body is not just a vehicle for aesthetics. It’s the infrastructure of your life.

Before twenty, pay attention to signals instead of overriding them.

11. Read a Book That Changes the Way You Think

Read Life Changing books, grab them on Amazon

Not for school. For yourself.

When I read Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl, something rearranged internally. It wasn’t dramatic. Just steady.

Books compress decades of experience into a few hundred pages. That’s extraordinary.

Before twenty, let one author sit with you long enough to challenge your internal narrative.

12. Spend Time With People Outside Your Social Mirror

We tend to cluster with similarity. Same background. Same beliefs.

But growth hides in contrast.

Research from Harvard shows that diverse social networks correlate with increased creativity and economic mobility. Exposure matters.

Before twenty, widen your circle slightly. Even if it feels uncomfortable.

13. Try Something You’re Bad At

Competence feels safe. But stagnation hides there.

I once took a class where I was objectively terrible. It humbled me. It also softened my judgment toward others.

Psychologist Carol Dweck’s work on growth mindset suggests that seeing ability as flexible rather than fixed changes outcomes.

Before twenty, let yourself be a beginner.

14. Volunteer for Something Larger Than You

Contribution recalibrates self focus.

During one volunteer shift, I realized how small my anxieties felt in the presence of real need. Not erased. Just resized.

Studies consistently show that volunteering improves mental health and increases life satisfaction. It connects you outward.

Before twenty, experience usefulness.

15. Spend a Month Tracking Your Thoughts

Notice patterns. Especially negative ones.

Cognitive behavioral therapy rests on the idea that thoughts influence feelings and actions. You don’t need formal therapy to observe this. Just awareness.

Before twenty, learn your mental habits. They quietly shape everything.

16. Set a Boundary and Keep It

It might feel unnatural at first.

Maybe you decline an invitation. Maybe you say no to extra work. Boundaries reveal who respects you.

I’ve found that self respect grows in small defended moments.

17. Create Something From Start to Finish

A small project. Personal notes about life. A blog. etc

Completion builds internal trust. It proves you can move from idea to execution.

Before twenty, finish something.

18. Have a Season Without Social Media

Even briefly.

Comparison intensifies in adolescence. Data from the American Psychological Association links heavy social media use with increased anxiety and depression among teens.

Silence the noise temporarily. Notice what changes.

19. Define Success in Your Own Words

If you don’t, someone else will.

I’ve noticed that many people chase borrowed definitions for years. Only to feel oddly empty when they arrive.

Before twenty, write down what success feels like. Not looks like.

20. Forgive Yourself for Who You Were at Fifteen

You were learning.

The mistakes. The awkwardness. The overreactions. They were part of formation.

Psychologists talk about identity development as a process of exploration and commitment. You are allowed to evolve.

Before twenty, release the earlier versions of you. They did what they could.

A Few Quiet Realizations

• Growth often feels like confusion before it feels like clarity
• Most people are improvising more than they admit
• The skills that matter most are emotional, not performative
• Time moves faster once you start paying attention
• You rarely regret trying, but you often regret staying silent

Conclusion

Twenty isn’t an arrival. It’s a transition you only recognize in retrospect. When I think back, the most important shifts weren’t visible from the outside. They were internal adjustments. Subtle recalibrations.

There’s a line from Søren Kierkegaard that stays with me. “Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards.”

Before twenty, you don’t need to accomplish something monumental. You just need to notice. And to begin living forward, even if you’re not entirely sure where that forward leads.